Dealing with bereavement at Christmas 

Missing someone special is always difficult, but the “hype” we hear as others plan ahead for Christmas can make 25 December even more difficult for those of us who are missing loved ones who have died and who we would have spent this special day with.

Every bereavement is unique, as is every person, so there’s no magic formula for how best to deal with bereavement. We could feel a mix of emotions – sadness, anger, guilt or even moments of joy when we think back to happier times when we enjoyed the time of year with the person, or people, we now miss.

At World Cancer Research Fund, we have a memorial bauble, which we supply primarily to our supporters but can give to anyone who is remembering someone special this Christmas. We understand many of our supporters are bereaved, and that Christmas can be a difficult time of the year, and one where the loss of someone loved is felt very strongly.

Remember that healing takes time, and the first holiday season is often the hardest. Be patient and gentle with yourself. If you’re really struggling, please don’t hesitate to reach out to a grief counsellor or mental health professional for additional support, or visit one of the helpful websites listed below.

Love that turns to grief

We’ll never forget those who have been a part of our lives who have died, but while grief doesn’t diminish, over time, our world instead gradually grows larger around it. A bit like a river that doesn’t narrow but carves new channels and finds new paths to go forward while still carrying those deeper waters.

It’s nice to have memories of people who brought you joy in previous Christmasses’, even if tinged with sadness that they’re no longer here. It’s OK to be sad at their absence, but it’s also important to try to embrace the spirit of the season they would want for you. You don’t have to feel guilty if you do find moments of joy, and you don’t have to apologise to yourself or others if, in a quiet moment of reflection, you are sad.

When we love someone and they die, that love turns to grief. Sharing memories of them, speaking about them, and perhaps using one of our memorial baubles, allows us to keep their memory alive and remember those we love as we take our own journey through life.

“Be happy that we met, not sad that I am gone” is a sentiment used much in bereavement and captures the essence of what enduring love means. It’s like they’ve left you one final gift of wisdom: to treasure the blessing of having had them in your life at all.

• We encourage people in need of extra support to contact Cruse Bereavement Support on 0808 808 1677 or Mind on 0300 123 3393.